ikea-graveyard:

Okay this white dude had a black girlfriend and they were walking by me and the dude said, “you know what babe, realtors are so lazy when it comes to financing” and she literally replied with, “why do you have to talk about the most boring shit, Steve”.

34,351 notes

myheadisspooky:

Aries: breathes often
Taurus: lots of breathing
Gemini: consistently breathes
Cancer: breathing everyday
Leo: has breathed much over the years
Virgo: always breathes
Libra: breathes air
Scorpio: strong breather
Sagittarius: repeated breathing
Capricorn: breathes a lot
Aquarius: routine breather
Pisces: breathes over and over

1,730 notes

spoopybarakarts:

when my mom was 30ish, my dad took her to this garage band concert as a date and she really liked them so she bought a cd from them and talked to them for a few hours then promised to keep in touch with them and show everyone her cd, but later forgot. So 10 or so years later theyre on the radio and she just smacks her head then says, “fuck i forgot to show everyone the cd” and that is the story of how my mom let Adam Levine and the rest of Maroon 5 down.

17,657 notes

Did you know that for pretty much the entire history of the human species, the average life span was less than thirty years? You could count on ten years or so of real adulthood, right? There was no planning for retirement, There was no planning for a career. There was no planning. No time for plannning. No time for a future. But then the life spans started getting longer, and people started having more and more future. And now life has become the future. Every moment of your life is lived for the future—you go to high school so you can go to college so you can get a good job so you can get a nice house so you can afford to send your kids to college so they can get a good job so they can get a nice house so they can afford to send their kids to college.
John Green, Paper Towns (via feellng)

9,836 notes

jaclcfrost:

u think i am walking around the house with a blanket around my shoulders because i cold but in actuality it is my cloak and i am on an adventure

481,388 notes

wigwum:

me in the club

image

me at family parties

image

101,786 notes

adamusprime:

i want to believe the egg stunt was actually super rad and this person is bitter about it

adamusprime:

i want to believe the egg stunt was actually super rad and this person is bitter about it

98,579 notes

motionjessinwhite:


if I don’t reblog this assume I’m dead

motionjessinwhite:

if I don’t reblog this assume I’m dead

(Source: japcoregalore)

249,037 notes

pulpofiction:

Life hack: if someone makes a racist/sexist joke, say, with total seriousness, “I don’t get it, can you explain it”

Then watch them crash and burn

(Source: steinbecks)

790,479 notes